He gives strength to the weary...

November 9

I landed on American soil two weeks ago. The last few days I was in Uganda I didn't want to wish the days away, but I could not wait to get home to a clean shower, my bed, American food, paved roads, and a little bit of quiet time (the introvert in me was screaming inside for a little time alone!). At the same time I was dreading the moment that I would have to let go of the sweet hands I had the privilege to hold all week. I didn't want to leave the beautiful men and women who graciously welcomed us into their country and lives. I was scared to come back to a life where my dependency on God is so much less because I have so much more. And all of those things are the reasons that I have not yet been able to write about coming home. 

Since the minute we got on the bus to go to the airport my heart hurt as if I was losing someone I loved. Because I was. I had managed to get through the trip without tears, mostly because of some strange coping mechanism I have developed at work. Even on the worst nights at work I can hold it together until I hit the door of the parking garage. Then I lose it. I wasn't sure at what point I would "hit the door" on the journey home but I was not looking forward to that moment. Well, it happened when we circled up to pray with the kids right before we left the orphanage. From that minute on I could not hold it together. I was not crying because I felt bad for the kids or because I was homesick. I was crying because I didn't know when I would get to come back to this place I had grown to love. I already missed my sweet Vivian as I fervently prayed for her by my side. My mom sent me encouraging verses that I clung to on the plane ride home and reminded me that the Lord is in control, no matter what.

I am 99.9% sure that I needed those kids more than they needed me. I know that while I was there I literally gave all that I had to give spiritually, emotionally and physically. There were days that I thought that I couldn't wake up the next morning and go at it again. But those were the times that I completely relied on the Lord's strength and the love He put in me for those people. I am sure that if I had spent more time there that God would have continued to provide that. 

I know that I am now responsible for all that I saw and experienced in Uganda. One person cannot change a country, and in no way do I even want to try. But I know that the God that I believe in and rely on is the same God that provides for all His people time and time again. He will provide all the needs that I know of and all those that I don't. Transitioning back has been hard because I am trying to figure out my place in all of that. Each day gets harder. The more that the red dirt rubs off my shoes, fingers, and out of my nose the further I feel from Uganda. I teared up when I took my last malaria pill. I constantly feel so angry at people and situations that never stirred emotion in me before. I feel like a completely different person. And that is because I am. And I want to be. There is no way a person could experience Africa and not be changed. 

If you are reading this please continue to pray for me. I am trying to take baby steps in figuring out my place in this world, especially since I still have another 1.5 years in my contract at work. Most of my day is consumed with thoughts of Uganda and how to get back there. I know that God is good, all the time. He is faithful. His love never fails. And if it is in His will for my life I would love to be back in that beautiful country one day soon.

Do you not know?

Have you not heard?

The Lord is the everlasting God,

the Creator of the ends of the earth.

He will not grow tired or weary,

and his understanding no one can fathom.

He gives strength to the weary

and increases the power of the weak.

Even youths grow tired and weary,

and young men stumble and fall;

but those who hope in the Lord 

will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary, 

they will walk and not be faint.

                           

His mercies are new every morning. Great is your faithfulness.

                                           

Having fun with these crazy kids at Ekubo

My three sweet girls! Teddy, Caroline and Vivian 

All good things must come to an end...

October 25

I don't even know where to begin this post for today because my emotions have been a complete roller coaster. I can't wait to be home. I've had a migraine. I don't want to leave. I can't wait to use a toilet and not have to check for bats or rats. I can't imagine not ending my day tucking in sweet little girls to bed. I can't wait for fall weather because I've been sweating since I've been here. I'm not ready to have to explain my trip to people. 

I'm praying so much that God will help me transition back to the US. My heart is breaking tonight knowing that all of these sweet kids at Canaan will go to bed tomorrow night by themselves, without special attention from anyone. They have already started crying tonight because we are leaving, so tomorrow is going to be very hard. 

Today we went to visit a tribe of people called the Karamjong. (I'm sure I misspelled that.) These women are refugees from northern Uganda. They escaped the brutality of the war and have become prostitutes here in Jinja. A man named Pastor Andrew started ministering to them a few years ago and the progress that these people have made is AMAZING. God has been working all over the place in their village. These women, who once sold their bodies away, now have a relationship with The Lord and have been restored. They once practiced witchcraft and worshipped whatever they thought to be a god. They know what it is like to be loved and valued by a living God. They are the lowest of the low in Uganda. Their children are made fun of in school because they look a little different. But these people have found their value in God. Their lives have been changed and it is so evident. Their prayer requests today were to have a market to sell their beads, for healing of sickness, and to know God more. They may be seen as dirt to the people of this world, but in our awesome God they have found hope, love and life.

We went back to Canaan Primary school this afternoon to give out lollipops and play with the kids. It was hard to say goodbye to some of the kids there, including my friend Kamya. He had just as hard of a time saying goodbye to m e as I did to him. I told them that because he has Jesus in his heart that if I don't see him again in Africa then I will get to see him in heaven. Lord, haste the day.

Please be praying for our travels tomorrow. It is a Muslim holiday and so there are a lot of nervous team members. I know that God's plans are perfect and I am praying that whatever happens in our day will bring Him the most glory.

Sangaalo

October 24

I have not yet cried in this trip, but today broke me. We went to Sangaalo baby home and I fell in love with that ministry. I don't even know where to begin in writing this post but I will try my best. We got to the baby home this morning and played with the kids. We fed them a snack and sat around outside with them. One little girl had a very high fever, runny nose and cough. We looked over and realized that she was seizing. Her seizure lasted about 5 minutes. It so so helpless to be sitting in the middle of nowhere watching a child seize and being able to do nothing. The only thing we could do was count the time and turn her on her side. We put cold rags on her forehead. Luckily they had ice so we were able to put that on her too. Damalie took her to the hospital while we and the aunties took care of the other kids. We then fed the kids lunch, helped bathe the and put them down for a nap. Then Damalie shared her testimony with us.

I know that I constantly talk about how amazing people are, but this woman is my hero. What she has followed God to in her life is incredible. I cannot type it all out but basically she came from nothing at all and now takes in babies who are abandoned. She currently has 13 babies in the home and is trying to place them in adoptive homes in Uganda or restore them back to their families if the social worker says they can. Her heart is to also start international adoptions but she does not have time to start this process right now.

This ministry has several needs right now. Some of them include Bumbo chairs, cloth diapers, sippy cups (American made), 12-18 month clothes and up (used or new), formula and more. If you feel that you can help this ministry please let me know and I will help you connect with her!

The other team just got back and told me that my friend Kamya wrote me a letter and sent it back with them. I am so excited to see it! 

Fun at Canaan Primary School

October 23

Today we visited Canaan Primary School. The schools here have classes P1-P7 for elementary school. They don't necessarily go by age, but P1 is first grade and so on. At the end of P7 they take an exam and if they don't pass they cannot move on in school, they can't get a job, and they are pretty much worthless at that point. They cannot retake the exam under the same name so if they do want to retake it they have to change their name. Because of all of this if they don't pass a grade they have to go back 2 grade levels. Canaan is a good school and they hardly ever have kids that don't pass the exam. It is also a cheap school so many kids attend, about 600. Each classroom has anywhere from 90 to 120 students (and only one teacher in each class!)

We went over this morning and acted out Bible stories for the younger classes.   I prayed a lot the night before about this because the whole day was completely out of my comfort zone. I also prayed for divine appointments because I didn't feel like I would connect with any kids that day. We had no plan for the day, it was all just whatever came to us at the time. Luckily it went pretty well. The kids went out for a break around 11 and there are ladies that sell snacks in the yard. Hardly any kinds have money to buy them but a few are able to. When I was standing around I looked over and saw a child who looked like he was in complete liver failure, most likely from malnutrition. His eyes were bright yellow, his arms and legs were as skinny as sticks, and his abdomen was very large and round. He also looked like he might have hydrocephalus.He was standing alone, behind a pole, eating a little bundle of fruit. As kids saw him they came up and begged for his fruit and little by little he gave it all away. This child looked like he had barely eaten a day in his life and he gave everything he had away. I am continually humbled as I learn from these kids.

I immediately was drawn to this kid. Possibly because I tend to be drawn to sick kids but I could not get over the fact that he gave away his fruit. That afternoon I made sure to reach out to this child and get to know him. He was quiet and a little shy but every child fights over holding a mzungu's hand so it didn't take long for him to open up to me. His name was Kamya. I asked if he had a mom and a dad and he did. He lived at home with 4 brothers and sisters. His parents do not have jobs but they grow bananas and try to sell them. He does not eat at home. His first question to me was, "Can you take me to America?" If I could have taken him right there I would have. He then asked, "Will you be my sponsor?" I was so brokenhearted for this child. Through more questions I learned that he needs a lot of medicine but they cannot afford to go to the clinic because they can't afford the medicine. He also wanted me to give him something to take home to show his mom, so I wrote him a little letter. 

He wanted to "escort" me back to the children's home and when we got back I told him I didn't know if I would see him again but that I would be praying for him always. I could not go to sleep last night because I couldn't stop thinking about him. I am praying so hard that God will provide for him. My heart breaks for him and the millions of other kids that are in that same situation every day. I truly believe that was a divine appointment and that both my life and Kamya's life were blessed by our meeting. 

Ekisa

October 22

Today was possibly my favorite day here so far. We went to a special needs home called Ekisa today. This home was started by an American girl and a British girl, both named Emily, who met on different mission trips here in Uganda. Their passion for kids with special needs brought them together and they opened this home in 2010. They are in their early 20s and I can tell you that what they have done here is truly and very evidently the work of God. They currently have 22 kids in their home and have been able to employ 35 staff members from Uganda. They have the home staffed 24/7 and it includes nurses, a physical therapist and other caretakers. They also employ people with physical handicaps. This is very neat because in Uganda they would probably not get jobs otherwise. The kids disabilities range from Downs syndrome to hydrocephalus to severe genetic disabilities. This ministry deserves just as much press and attention as Katie Davis has had. They just need to write a book! Check out their website and the kids we were able to meet today at www.ekisa.org.

As today is coming to an end it is hard to believe that we only have three short days of ministry left here. My heart is longing to be in two places at once. I miss the conveniences of America. I miss not wearing bug spray 24/7. I miss my room and bathroom free of rats and malaria. I miss my family and friends. However, I'm going to have a hard time adjusting back to all of that at the same time. I'm going to miss this culture, the people and these kids. Most of all I hope that I don't forget what it feels like to rely on The Lord here and how close I feel to Him every day.

Church at Canaan

October 21

Sunday morning we got to teach Sunday school to the 8-11 year old kids here. My group taught the story of Zacchaeus and did a craft with them afterwards. Then we went to the church service. I think I caught a little glimpse of what heaven will be like. Hundreds of people were crammed into a small building with no air conditioning but their worship was not held back by any of those factors. Although I didn't understand most of the songs or prayers, I knew that The Lord was in the room. There were people from the surrounding village and those who are from Canaan Children's home. I've never seen people praise God like I did that day. The kids, as young as 10 years old, were down on their knees with their eyes tightly closed and smiles on their faces singing praises to God. I was moved in a way that I have never been before. Their worship brought me to tears of joy and I could not hold them back. All I could do was close my eyes and thank God for the incredible blessings in my life. I was so thankful to be in that very church, holding the hands of the little girls I have quickly come to love, while worshipping  my Creator alongside the African people. 

Sunday afternoon was a great day of much needed rest. Sunday night we were able to provide a feast for the kids including chicken, rice, cabbage, sodas and more. The kids were beyond excited to eat. We played for a while then tucked them into bed. It is such a privilege to know these little ones. Every time we pull up in the bus they are running to find you, and when they see you they point and shout and jump around until they see you and you get off to hold their hand. Their love makes all the bad things about being here seem so insignificant, and for that I am thankful.

A Saturday in Jinja

October 20

On Saturday our team started out at Pillars of Hope for the first part of the morning. We went to a warehouse type building to meet with Godfrey and the kids. They are currently 5 months behind on their rent for the building so there is a padlock on the door. They cannot get into their space until they catch up on rent, which is about $100 US a month. The problem is that this ministry is so new that it does not have supporters so Godfrey supports it out of his salary. Godfrey is a social worker in Uganda. He lives an hour away from his ministry site and has a wife and 4 kids to support at home. He feels so strongly that God has called him to this ministry that next month he is quitting his job, moving to Jinja, and relying completely on the Lord to provide. Godfrey is an amazing man. 

Saturday afternoon we went to The Source Cafe, an American style cafe by Lake Victoria (the source of the Nile). We also had a chance to shop at a few market shops while we were there. When we came back to Canaan that night the kids had an awesome welcome program for us. Each age group had cute songs and dances to perform. Every time we go somewhere they say, "You are most welcome here!" And they sincerely mean it. They shake your hand and hug you like you are the person that means most to them in the world. I love this culture! 

Please be praying that our team gets sleep at night. Our windows are completely open to the outside so we hear everything that goes on. There is a Muslim chanting every morning around 4 or 5 AM. To put it nicely it sounds like a dying cow amplified through a speaker system. I've never wanted to convert someone's so badly in my life...